Dealing with rejection.

I have been posting a lot of "ranting" and "venting" posts, and if anybody is interested, here is another one. I'm not going to whine, but I do have a question: do you, moms and dads, teach your kids to include other kids in their game?

Now, its understandable, that not everybody can be instant friends, but I think everybody deserves a chance. We already discussed the question of "including others" in our Facebook group, but I want to bring it up again. I was re-introduced to this issue today, when we stopped at a busy park on the way back from a fun Dino-riffic playdate.

This is a great park, with a jungle gym, swings, all sorts of climbing areas, and a big sand pit, with a pretend dinosaur fossil, a couple built-in excavators. Santino walked into the park, stood for a few moments, saw two boys of approximately his age playing with trucks, and went to play with them. He sat down near those boys, looking straight at them, and was "welcomed" with a scream "Go away! This is ours!" So he got up and left.

Thanks to his easy attitude, Santino didn't get upset, but I did. These types of things really bother me, and I feel that I have to learn from him on how take these "unfair" sides of life easier.

Within the next 30 minutes, he tried approaching those kids a few times more, and was rejected every time. It seemed, that in the end he did get frustrated, as I saw him kicking a pile of sand in their direction. Which was understandable. I immediately intervened, reminding him "no kicking" and he went to play with a built-in excavator.

I can't remember whether he was rejected like that before. I don't think he ever was; and definitely not 3 times in a row. He dealt with this rejection rather easy, he just left and found something else to do. I do worry though, that he might pick up this nasty habit, so I tried having a talk with him later. I told him that what those boys were doing was not nice, and he should never tell anybody "go away", at least not from the get go when the other kid did nothing wrong.

It is kinda foreseeable, that these angry possessive kids will most probably grow up bullies (if nobody steps in to teach them otherwise, that is). While I'm thankful to them, that they taught my kid a life lesson, that not everybody is nice, and you have to be careful and aware with who you are dealing with, I still don't appreciate somebody telling my son "go away". I didn't interfere, as I wanted to see what he was going to do, and how he was going to take this blatant rudeness. I think it was those boys' mom who should have stepped in and told them "you need to share" instead of just watching them.

I also would like to reach out to all moms, who watch their kids rejecting somebody: teach your kids to share, include and be nice to others. When it becomes a habit, there will be less anger in the world, less envy and more fun! 

Do you teach your child to share and be inclusive? What do you think, should I have interfered and forced those boys to share? (I didn't want him to play with them anyways, I didn't think he would learn anything good from them.)

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One of "Those Days"

Today will go down in history as "one of those days".  I'm sure many of my mommy friends will be able to relate.  You know one of "those days" when you just should have trusted your "gut" and not left the house?  Yup.... That was me!

I left our local community centre this morning (they were having a special kids Easter event) at 36 weeks pregnant carrying my 35lb kicking and screaming 2 year old *sigh*. This was after what i think were three very generous warnings about waiting in line (patience), staying close to mommy (obedience) and listening with your ears (attentiveness) - three character qualities that we've been working really hard at.

We are now home having a "time out day" which includes us watching his Brother Francis movie about "Forgiveness".  He requested it after a discussion we had about how he should to say sorry to mommy and Jesus for his behaviour (we are a practicing Catholic family).  I thought it was an excellent idea! In fact; I think we will spend the day learning more about this forgiveness and repentance as a result.  

In reflecting on what had happened; all I can do is chalk this up to a learning experience and a really good lesson for me as a mom.  I really need to learn to trust my "gut instinct" (or if your a Christian family, those little messages that God sends you) a little more. Obviously when your child wakes up rotten (like we all do at times); probably not a smart idea to take him out to a major event where there will be lots of temptation and chaos.  It's actually probably not fair to even expect a 2 year old to be able to handle something like that given his temperament that day.  Lesson learned! 

The great thing about days like today is all the great things we learn from it - both us as moms as well as our children.  I'm actually really looking forward to a day of teaching and reflection with my son about behaviour, forgiveness and remorse.  

Luckily I don't have many days like this  ;)

Thank You,

Connie & Jonathan Berenguer

Founders / Directors

E. connie@connieberenguer.com

W. www.goobergang.yolasite.com

 

Resources: Brother Francis series of DVDs for children. Especially "Forgiven". 

See http://www.catholicchapterhouse.com/store/dvds/children-s-dvds/brother-francis-forgiven-the-blessings-of-confession

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Life Changing

It’s funny isn’t it? How as soon as you are introduced into mummy world, it’s like entering a whole new realm you never even knew existed.  Talk about boobs and poops become acceptable topics of conversation, messy buns and yoga pants become your uniform of choice, and daily trips to the store and park are your social scenes. It’s funny isn’t it? How when we have a baby we just sort of forget about all the things we did before. The late night drinks with friends and late morning greasy spoon breakfast, going away for weekends with just one bag packed, last minute dinner plans because there was nothing else to do.

The truth is, once you have a baby all of those things you used to be able to do just sort of dissipate, without a second thought really. Instead of having only a couple hours of sleep because you were out all night dancing, you are on a couple hours of sleep because you were up all night rocking and hushing. Instead of trying to figure out what shoes go with that dress, you are wondering if anyone will notice you have been in pajamas for two days.

I’m not saying this is what it will be like forever, but let’s face it, were mums now. Nights filled with tequila shots, and singing along to Eminem’s latest album is over. Yes, there may be a night or two in your near future where you can feel like your college years again but it’s going to hurt a lot more since your getting up at 7 a.m. with a hungry and charged up baby.

All of a sudden you understand what sacrifice means, what love is, and how patience really is a virtue. All of a sudden your favourite song is Butterfly Kisses instead of Disco Stick, and feeling tired at the end of the day is more of a reward then a punishment.

When I was pregnant, I was told that I’ll never be free to do as I please, that I will forever be tied down and my whole life is going to change. People are always so quick to say that, “your whole life is going to change.” Obviously, your life will change. What they leave out is that your life is changed for the better. Every morning you wake up and get to see this little person smiling at you because they are genuinely happy to see your face, you get to watch someone you created, the greatest miracle of life, grow right in front of you.

So do I miss the person I was a few years ago? No, I don’t. Do I miss being able to sleep in, go out with my friends whenever I want, spend my money on a new purse instead of a new car seat? No, I don’t. I wouldn’t give up what I have now for all the coach purses and greasy spoon breakfasts in the world, even if that meant unlimited eggs benedict and Nutella crepes.

To read more of my blog please visit http://newmumontheblog.wordpress.com

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Celebrate our Differences

Ever get the feeling that as soon as you became a mother, every single decision you make is being watched?

Did you have a drink during pregnancy? How old were you when you had your first child? Did you have an epidural for delivery? Did you breastfeed or bottle feed? Did you make your own baby food or use store bought? What age did your child walk? Are you going back to work? Do you feed your child junk food? Is your child reading/writing/jumpingthroughhoops yet? blah blah blah.

All of a sudden every little decision you make matters, and you will get asked about your choices on a regular basis. Now, it's not your personality that makes you who you are, but your parenting choices. It's as though we think that everyone else knows exactly what they are doing. Ladies, I think each and every one of us is learning as we go here, and each and every one of us can learn something from each other.

Personally, I make my decisions day by day because, no, I don't really know what I'm doing. I never sat down and wrote down exactly what kind of parent I want to be, and even the vague ideas I had of what motherhood would be like changed very suddenly while facing reality. So yes, I do co-sleep with my 8 month old, some days we watch far too much tv, and I have on occasion given my toddler McDonald's. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think so. But if that's not what you would choose for your child, that's fine too.

I don't make the choices I make because I think I know different or better than anyone else. I make these decisions because I do what works for me and my family, and I do what gets me through the day. I don't know everything, the things I do know were most likely learned the hard way, and I'm not perfect.

So why are we so nosy asking these types of questions to other moms? I'm sure we don't have the intentions of coming across judgemental. Maybe we ask these questions to find other moms with similar personalities and parenting styles, after all a lot of the times the only one thing that we all have in common is we have children close in age. I don't know if it's just me, but some days I feel like I'm being quizzed by other moms, and as if they are comparing my child to theirs. But at the same time, I do the exact same thing, ask other moms about their choices, because sometimes I feel like my kids are the only things I have to talk about. So I'm challenging myself to shift the focus from the children to the moms. Especially the new moms, because the mom world can be seriously intimidating.

We as moms should feel like our parenting choices are respected, even if they are different. We should be able to come to each other for advice without fear of judgement. We should be able to ask each other about our choices, but only to learn from each other and find support in each other's knowledge.

Came across this picture from Granola Babies that really sums it up:

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